The Gift of Presence
2 years ago
When we were younger, the greatest gift that our parents gave to us was the gift of presence. Some of my favorite childhood memories include waterfront picnics with the Garcia families and Sundays at my grandmother’s house with the Pimentel Brum families. Simplicity. Just being with one another was enough to bring us all joy. Simply reflecting on those days still brings me joy today.
Later in life, the same is true for what we can give to our aging parents. Monday nights are my “date nights with Papa.” Honestly, sometimes, after a long day at work, the 30-minute drive feels like a chore. Sitting with my dad and really listening to his stories (not just the hearing that I did for years) has given me so much insight into the times and events that shaped the person that my father is today. Learning about his childhood, leaving his country, starting a new life in a new land, the early years and so much more fascinates me. They are the same stories I have heard multiple times before. However, each time I hear a story, I pay attention to some new insight or to the emotions behind them and am able to imagine my father as a boy, a teenager, and a young man, not just as “my old man.”
These last few days we gave to each other the gift of continuous presence as we ventured to the Azores. I can’t say it was carefully planned. It happened rather quickly, yet I am so glad we did what we did. In so many ways, it was a continuation of our Monday night date nights. This time, I heard his stories in the places where they happened. I was able to see where things once stood, and where people once lived. I was able to hear him reflect on the life that he left…both the good aspects of that life, and the challenges. The reality is though, that so much has changed in his village, that we didn’t see a lot of the places that he wanted to show me. Highways replaced farm lands that he worked. New construction replaced historic family homes. My father said a few times, “It seems like we have traveled to Rome, but aren’t able to see the Pope.”
My reflection is simple. The greatest gift in all of this wasn’t the trip. I enjoyed it in so many ways. Yet, as I reflect on it all, I go back to my opening statement, “the greatest gift that our parents gave to us was the gift of presence…the same is true for what we can give to our aging parents.” Spend time with those you love while you can, and while they can share their memories with you...and just listen. In listening, there will be greater understanding. Their presence will live on in you and the presence that you share with your families as well.
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