April 21, 2022
St. Anthony’s Shrine, Boston, MA
I have developed quite a love for St. Anthony’s Shrine in downtown Boston, MA as a place where I have experienced the merciful presence of Jesus on more than one occasion. It is known to many as “the worker’s chapel.” I first came to know them while working in the financial district as a place to attend Mass on holy days, but also as a place to seek mercy in the sacrament of reconciliation.
It was there several years ago that I confessed to a priest that I wasn’t honoring my father. I told him that long periods of time could pass without me making an effort to reach out to my father and speak with him. My penance was to pray for my father, and to begin to offer small acts of kindness toward my father. As a result of that confession, I spent years making Monday nights my designated time to spend with my father. It brought me more graces and blessings than I could ever even imagine.
Today, I went to confession at the shrine. I believe that in the sacrament of reconciliation, the priest is always there, “in persona Christi – in the person of Christ.” There have been a few moments in reconciliation over the years when I could truly feel the presence of Christ in the priest. Sometimes the mercy in the eyes of the confessor makes Christ’s presence real. Other times, the words of the priest feel like they are the words of Christ. Sometimes the words of the priest and his instructions feel like Christ is speaking to my heart directly. If truth be told, there have also been moments in reconciliation when I have left the confessional without feeling like I have experienced the presence of Christ. Today was not one of those days.
In this particular confession, I shared with the priest my sins since my last confession, as well as several sins that are constant struggles for me. Perhaps I was too cavalier in confessing what I thought were not “big sins.” The reality is that sin is sin. After confessing my sins to the priest, he asked me a question that I have never been asked in confession before. It was a question that left me temporarily speechless and surprised. It was a question that I thought Jesus was asking me directly. The priest asked me, “Do you want to continue to live a sinful life? He then asked me, “do you want to change, or do you want to go on life doing things as you’re doing?” Quite honestly, the questions caught me off guard. Quite quickly, I responded, “No, Father, I don’t want to live in sin. I want to be better.” The priest then kindly, but firmly responded, “then take the steps to pray to resist sin. You are in control of what you choose.” I think it was the kind of tough love, still with mercy, that I needed to hear. I am in control of my choices. Yes, I will fall. Yes, I will make mistakes. Yes, I will sin. But I don’t have to do so as a willing participant. I can fight. I can pray. I can resist.
That simple question was so profound for me. I am not a victim. I have the choice to follow Jesus, and to avoid the near occasion of sin. If I fall, I will know that I did what I could not to fall. If I slip, I will know that I tried, truly tried. In the days following this confession, when I’m tempted to judge, tempted to gossip, tempted to do something that I know I shouldn’t be doing, I ask myself the question, “Do you want to continue to live a sinful life?” I believe that I met Jesus in that confessional. I believe that I can turn to him in my moments of weakness for the strength and the courage to live a more virtuous life. He will give me the grace that I need to resist sin. Yet, should I fail (even though I will try not to), I know I will see Jesus again in the sacrament of his mercy.
Do you want to continue to live a sinful life?
Comments
Post a Comment