Jesus, Model of Humility

 

Reflection on “The Joy of Being a Deacon” by John P. Flanagan

Several years ago, while presenting at another parish’s Lenten retreat, I finished my talk on holiness by asking the retreatants the question, “At the end of your life, how do you hope to be remembered by others?” I shared with the retreatants that I hope to be remembered as a man of joy.  I confessed that I know that I have a long way to go to achieve that goal, but that I continue to try to live a life of joy by attempting to love others as God loves them.  Small group discussions followed.  As each table reported back to the full group, people reported wanting to be remembered for charity, love, compassion, faithfulness, generosity, and so many other positive attributes.  I thought the sharing was going extremely well, until a woman stood up and emphatically declared, “there were a lot of good answers at our table, but I don’t think any of them matter.  I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, as God’s judgement is the only one that matters.”  There was a moment of awkward silence.  I began to think that I had failed in my mission to encourage people to think about loving others with care and mercy.  In fact, at that moment, I was having difficulty loving with care and mercy.  As I was nervously thinking about and preparing my response, a little old lady stood up and said, “Anne, maybe that’s true; but how is God going to make His judgement? He will judge you on how you have loved others here. If you’ve loved them well, they will remember you for that love.”   

I believe that most of us want to be loved and want to share that love with others.  In his book, “The Joy of Being a Deacon,” the author Deacon John P. Flanagan reminds us, “the world is crying out for genuine love and joy.  We all crave the real thing but often seek it in the wrong places.  We yearn for love that will endure and joy that will last.  We have one of the answers to this yearning for love and joy in Christ’s command in John 12:23-23: ‘Love one another as I have loved you.’” He asserts that through loving others as Christ loves us, we become joyful people.  

Throughout the book, the author speaks of the many ways that deacons live lives of joy.  He cites Scripture, the Eucharist, life in the Spirit, the hope of the resurrection, trusting God’s will, service to others, and even suffering as some sources of diaconal joy.  In summary, it’s perhaps easier to focus on one’s relationship with Jesus Christ, and how we both receive the love of Jesus, and share the love that we have received from Jesus with others, as the single-most predictor of joy in our lives.  It stands to reason that from that love we would strive to want to know God in His word, to grow deeper in relationship with His Holy Spirit, to deepen our faith, and to live our lives in such a way that is pleasing to Him who loves us.  

            As I reflected on the book’s text, there are some elements of the book that affirm my pursuit of the diaconate, and others that challenge it.  I am affirmed in the joy that comes from the ministry of charity.  Serving others is something that already brings me joy.  Personally, spiritually, and even professionally, I find myself in roles that facilitate this concept of service to others.  Some of these roles include Human Resources manager, St Vincent DePaul Society member, retreat coordinator, and most importantly husband and father, just to name a few.  A downfall to this disposition towards service is that sometimes I may be so focused on nurturing others, that I fail to seek to nurture myself.  Flanagan highlighted this blind spot as a potential challenge to productive ministry. 

            One of the passages that challenged me was relative to the joy in preaching.  Flanagan cited a passage from Saint Paul to the Corinthians (1 Corinthians 9:27), “Rather, I discipline my body and bring it under control for fear that after preaching to others I myself may be disqualified.” Flanagan reflected, “When I preach to others, I realize I may fail to perform what I preach, or worse, fall into the sin I condemn.”  Reading this was a reminder that my own spiritual development must be constant, rooted in the sacraments, especially reconciliation, and a work of continuous improvement.  While I am tempted to focus on the ways that I am not worthy to pursue the diaconate, the author reminds us that, “no candidate for the Priesthood or Permanent Diaconate is worthy to be ordained.  Only God’s grace will prepare you, so let’s get on with our chosen mission.”  (p. 30)

Flanagan’s description of joy in suffering really resonated with me.  Having lost my mother at the age of fourteen, I came to learn very early in life that every day is a gift, and that every day we wake up, we have much to be thankful for.  Recently having walked the end-of-life journey with my father, I learned that even in his suffering, we were able to experience both laughter and pure joy.  My father and I were able to reminisce about the past, to talk about our childhoods, to talk about death, about Heaven and the final judgement, about me going on with life after his death, and so much more.  These precious moments were moments of pure love, which today fill me with joy.  One day, my father said to me, “Mariano, I just want to go be with Jesus already,” to which I playfully responded, “Papá, clearly Jesus doesn’t want to be with you just yet.”  We laughed together, even amid sadness.  My last words to my father, moments before his death, were words of gratitude for his life and his example, for his love and his guidance.  I told him I would miss him so much, but that when God calls him to go, for him to not look back towards us and to run to the arms of the Father.  This was joy amid sadness and suffering, based on what Flanagan referred to as “anticipation of Eternal Life.”  (p. 54) 

 In one of the aspirancy sessions we were asked our favorite book of the Bible.  I answered that my favorite book of the Bible is Philippians.  I explained that what I love most about this book is that Paul wrote it while imprisoned, and yet, it is a book that is filled with joy.  It is a book that teaches us to be thankful in all circumstances, both in times of plenty and in times of want.  Although it is a relatively short book of the Bible, it continues to guide and inspire me in my journey of faith.  

As I continue this road of discernment, I am curious to see where God will lead me on this journey.  This book has challenged me to dig deeper and more intimately in the Scriptures to be attentive to what God might speak to my heart.  It has inspired me to continue to ask the Holy Spirit to make its dwelling within me, and to ask the Spirit to help me be attentive to where God might be leading me.  It has inspired me to look for moments of God’s presence at work in my life, and in the lives of others through me. It has challenged me to be mindful of the ways that my life and my actions are not professing the love of Christ to others, and to remedy those failures. It has reminded me to love more purely and to live the words of Michah 6:8 to, “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God.”   St. John of the Cross once preached, “In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possession and human success, but rather on how much we have loved.”  I hope that by living a life of love, at the end of my life I will be remembered as a man of joy.